Requiescence

the last post for the blog

2008-08-18T00:44:00.004+08:00

It has been quite a semester and so many things have been going on since the start of the year. I think i've lost count of everything.

January to Febuary
These months were the usual rush-projects-and-try-to-mug-for-exams period. It has been quite a terrible one. That sinking feeling at the point of the ITIPJ presentation when everything went wrong while the rest of the group presented fine was the worst feeling at that period of time. I could help by to think that i've messed up yet another project module. but thankfully, it wasn't as bad as i've imagined it to be.

March to May
For the first time in life, i actually got to sit in an office and experience some office work. I was assigned to program a marketing dbms. data entry and shredding paper (probably the easiest way to pass time) It was quite interesting at first, as i wanted to prove that i'm capable of working as efficiently as normal IT programmers and program an application within the same time frame as another application. I grew tired of it as the weeks passed by. As it seems to be expected, my application couldn't work at almost the LAST point of my IPP. thank God again, i managed to come up with another solution, albeit not the best.

May to June
It's another first-time-of-my-life thing. I've been under curfews and never allowed to stay over at my friends' houses, camps in schools and stuff are exceptions. But i was given a chance to go to beijing for 1/3 of my FYPJ.

Initially, the whole trip in beijing would last for 8 weeks, it was reduced to 6 weeks due to the really warm weather during this season for our welfare's sake. It was further reduced to 4 weeks due to visa issues, but i guess that was for the better.

I was assigned to take charge of the batch and bring them to beijing and take care of their welfare. I was literally worried that someone would go missing, or lost during the plane ride and even during the normal outing trips as well most of the time. It wasn't because i didn't trust them to take care of themselves, i was simply just worried that people from my batch would get lost or something that i wouldn't want to think of happening to any of them. As a result, i stood behind most of the time, making sure that nothing would happen, well at least i tried.

The first time i felt a sense of sadness was when i failed to protect one of my friends from getting pretty badly hurt. It was just an accident on the bus, but yet just infront of me, i was unable to do anything at the moment in time, except seeing tears rolling down. I'm sorry for that, but i'm glad it all turned out well in the end.

I went to the extend of trying to cheer another person up as well by sending a text message, hopefully it really did cheer you up for that moment in time.

For the batch activities, I led team 1 and coordinated with the leader of team 2 for sports and recreational activities. One such activity was the fashion parade which we had quite alot of fun. We even saw how a guy could transform into a girl without the local people noticing that "she" was actually a he.

We also had a final perfomance which we put up. It was quite a feat performed by our batch. We had really little time for training but because so much effort was put into it, we could really see it come to fruition. I had no idea what came into my head too, as i managed to summon enough courage and confidence to get on the stage and sing a song (composed just for this batch "28 days in beijing") with a guitar bought in beijing. it was a pretty poor one though. haha.

Good job BiTC Batch 6, we all made NYP proud (i strongly believe). I really had alot of fun in beijing. thank you batch 6.

But all these feelings could be created by responsibility after all.

June to August
Nothing much happened after returning from beijing except for a simple presentation and desperate attempts to complete my FYPJ. It was a miracle, i really didn't think i would be able to complete the application and just when all hope was lost, light was somehow found.

I helped a few friends and made another few during this time, while seeking a miracle to complete my project. For some reason, I couldn't stand and watch others feel so helpless and stressed till the extend of breaking down, 'cause i know how that feels. so i tried really hard to help, learning new stuff just for that purpose.. really hope i managed to. for those which i've failed. i'm sorry i didn't manage to help.

There was another event that was probably the highlight of the year. I probably never celebrated a year like this before, I'm truly thankful and appreciative of what you guys have done.

I've also heard that i'm like 2 different persons in beijing and in singapore. i'm sorry. I really wonder why, not that i can't tell the change though. haha.

that would be all. I'll leave my tagboard there for final thoughts and comments.

Au Revoir le Monde.

Dix-neuf

2008-08-01T23:24:00.004+08:00

It's a good day. Seems like everything went well. I managed to pass the test too!

Great Thanks to those who wished me. Thank you so much for all these! Merci! Arigato! Danke! Gracias! Xie xie!

I'll update the names when i can.

18 is gone.

Bonne nuit.

my friend's birthday.

2008-07-31T23:42:00.005+08:00

So the day's coming, finally after an entire year of opportunities to take a single test.

Things turned out as expected when i sent a message to wish my friend. no surprise really. heh.

It just happened that i was asked by my friend, hy if you know. "why are your posts so emo?", somewhere along that line. As usual, i gave a vague reply.

The truth is, i'm really unsure as to why things are happening this way. I seem to know the main reason behind this "emo" thoughts. it'll be left unspoken, until i've clarified the main cause of it.

But the day was pretty good, ended well with a dinner with my classmates, with a cake and a gift. Merci beaucoup pour tout, i really appreciate it. Thank you very much.

Special Thanks to Ben for the advanced wishing, hopefully he's doing well.

Thanks to eric, darwin, hong yee, carleton, jon, guang yun, maven, yu xiang, chen yao, michelle, hong peng, cheryl, kaiwen, si hui for the dinner and present and a message.

Thanks to michelle for the midnight wishings.

Just in a few mins time. It's another new year.

Goodnight.

just

2008-07-27T20:33:00.003+08:00

Many times words can change the opinion of others, and maybe that's what happened.

And it was probably a mistake made when i attemped to be extroverted in some cases, but i'll count it as experience gained. Things were alot less fun, but everything seemed alot better then.

I seem to feel emo when i can't seem to help others, it's like a situation when you can only see someone slowly crushing him/herself through a small gap in a wall, and you can't smash through or climb over the great wall that was built around him/herself. I've no idea why i should feel that way.

Just so helpless. so weak. just tell me what's going on.

When everything around is broken
Could I say that this felt right.

goodnight.

rationality. emotion.

2008-07-13T01:02:00.008+08:00

Finally week 7 has passed. a miracle that i've been seeking appeared. I've finally completed my first assigned tasks, after a 2 weeks lapse. but i not in the position to care right now. The mind's in desynchronization with the heart.

Rationality
revert back. make logical decisions. based on intuition (in a certain sense).

Emotion
stay in the current state, heed the advices of the heart.

everything seems just like the storyline in one of the shows. when the sole survivor decided to go somewhere else because he couldn't get stronger, because he felt that he was bound by various things.

just when i thought i've managed to get rid of intangible things, i've failed once again. it floods back like how the waves hit the shores. it seems that emotions aren't under my control, and it's not good.

to those who have changed over the one month, hope everything's alright now.

but i will still help others as long as i'm capable enough, i think i might.

the first step.

promises are meant to be

2008-07-01T22:20:00.006+08:00

The route, probably another 6 more weeks to go. Seems pretty cold and harrowing, it's all up to one's mind to change it though.

Ever heard of "promises are meant to be broken"? never liked that sentence. It's probably true that most people make empty breakable promises nowadays, and its unfortunate. Promises were meant to be something great, something to hang on to, for others to hope for, something that brings smiles to others. It seemed to have been flawed because of some.

Promises are probably the highest of the order.

Usually I make it a point to fulfill the things i say. 'cause perhaps trying's not enough, the result's different. i will find some way... just don't worry too much and get too stressed up, my friend.

God will make a way. I'll hold on to that.

Meanwhile the presentations today went rather... okay. I'll give myself a border-line pass.

goodnight.

'cause its better to hide it all away?

2008-06-30T21:40:00.007+08:00

It has become a trend in life, for people to put on their strongest front. Most of us wouldn't know whats behind that facade. A smilling front but the person is in reality, in great misery and pain.

I've seen quite alot of them, and the worse thing is.. i couldn't help them.

Wednesday, the assembly for the SIT. I still wonder how i'll summarize the whole trip in a few mins. and contemplating if i should risk '28 Days in Beijing' on stage once again. i'll figure something out.

Friday, mid-term assessment, presentation for my Final Year Project.

I've also heard from people that i've changed, i wonder if its for the better or worse. hopefully its the former.

goodnight.

the mode 2 years ago.

2008-06-29T21:33:00.002+08:00

Most of us would be back to the same lab again, in another 10 hours. And the mid-term assessment awaits us next week.

I finally met up with ben again after such a long time. attempted to jam and played a few rounds of fifa and its back to that camp again. time really flies on the outside.

Somehow i feel like i'm in the mood 2 years ago. The times where movement wasn't restricted, memory wasn't bound, decisions weren't delayed. maybe i should switch to that mode and work hard this time round with improvised tactics taught by a friend whose name i should not say. heh.

bonne nuit.

le miroir

2008-06-28T19:52:00.004+08:00

Mirrors are interesting concepts.

Most mirrors are made by applying a reflective coating to a suitable substrate. The most common such substrate is glass, due to its ease of fabrication, its rigidity, and its ability to take a smooth finish. The reflective coating is typically applied to the back surface of the glass, so that it is protected from corrosion and accidental damage. (Glass is much more scratch-resistant than most substrates.) -wikipedia

But I believe its key purpose for most people is to take a look at themselves. It has another purpose as well, deception.

Life seems to be flowing like a river that replenishes itself from the mountains.

FYPJ has been rather mundane, a monotonous tune to life everyday. except for moving around labs, visiting different people. and next week's probably the mid-term assessment. I'll have to.. find someway to save myself.

Bonne nuit.

je suis arrivé

2008-06-26T20:29:00.006+08:00

It has been a week since I've arrived, and I believe many of us are missing our lifestyle in Beijing. The times we had there were great, much better than what we're having right now. I might probably miss some of the food there and the people who've been really good to us. Special Thanks to Principal Dong who's probably the most amazing Principal, when my guitar bag tore itself apart, he bothered to run around the airport to find a needle and a thread, and even helped me sew it back. and Special Thanks to Grace, who has been helping our NYP Batch tirelessly and the gifts for our whole batch, you all made our stay at BiTC a really enjoyable one.

Not to mention the most wonderful Batch 6. Each of you completed this trip.

But I can't help but to notice the change in a few different people, in that short 1 month. It makes me wonder what happened in Singapore. I think I have changed quite a fair bit as well. But I don't like the change. Everything seems to be going on lockdown to 'that' mode.

And I finally managed to help my friends a little for their projects. I hope it managed to help them abit.

I wonder what's going on. Her blog has been locked.

Meanwhile, it seems that some people are pulled off track. heh.

Alright then, i guess thats all for now.

Bonne nuit.

où vous allez

2008-06-04T08:47:00.004+08:00

For reasons unknown to me, i feel a little.. strange. I might know the reason and yet not. I just seem to be contented to see a simple something and walking alone nowadays. seems to be back in that same mood 2 years back.

ben: ah... i'm probably enjoying myself.
jon: mm.. perhaps you "hacked" yourself.

19 Days

2008-06-01T23:39:00.005+08:00

It's interesting how i feel like a small boy with a lollipop (guitar) yesterday and probably feel alot different today. Somehow all that excitement just disappeared. something's probably missing.

Anyway i've been to the zoo, but didn't take much photos. been to the shopping areas of 西单, but didn't do shopping. i went to 和平门 and walked to the next 2 stations, but didn't find a guitar. I found the guitar with lydia, michelle and wilson last night after an hour of desperate finding in various streets.

supposingly i uploaded a few pictures. but they aren't showing after i attempted to move them. another time i suppose would i be favored by fate.

another 19 days to find out what i lack.

good night.

I won't regret.

2008-05-27T21:32:00.003+08:00

Recently, there have been different mixed emotions somewhere. I wondered why. Sure, i had alot of fun. yet there's some sort of missing element... maybe its just my guitar, i'm unsure though. Ah... negative thoughts are rather persistant. It's not that difficult to get rid of them, but.. oh well. it might be home. i still wonder.

I won't regret the choice.

And some tag replies. haven't done this in a long while.

tjh: ah... sorry. i'll try, haven't got all the pictures just yet.
jan: i suppose jon. no. i insist its the my adept skills at lowering prices
scy: oh? what song? "Did you know"? this is probably a different version.

i feel like composing another emo song. haven't done that in a long time. heh.

Good night.

Welcome to Beijing.

2008-05-26T00:22:00.005+08:00

Finally i get to update a little on whats happening. The internet seems to have rejected blogs' existance.

Friday, 2008 May 23
(China Style, Entitled: "Welcome to Beijing")

Our whole group reached Beijing safely at ETA, 2140 Hours. It was an interesting experience, albeit a little tiring.
We were well received by the Principal of Beijing IT College(BiTC), Principal Dong and Ms Ang, our supervisor in-charge of this BiTC trip at 2145 Hours.
Took a decent supper at 2230 Hours prepared under the orders of the Principal.
Settled down at 2300 Hours and started conversing in all kinds of languages over MSN.
First Prize: tjh (i'm quite specific this time). Second is unknown. so are the rest. heh.
So my day ended at 0100 Hours the next day.

Saturday, 2008 May 24
(Entitled: "First tour")

We visited the famous Forbidden City! Wow, just when we got off the bus, we were swarmed by a huge group of... sales people. who gladly shoved their products into our hands with glee, for those who could shove it back, good for them. They're rather persistant, buzzing around till you buy something from them. heh. I also had a interesting time sight-seeing, although the most of the buildings are pretty similar looking. Took some rather interesting pictures here and there. (maybe i'll post them online. otherwise, it'll be opened for exclusive people only)

We (whole group) had lunch somewhere random and probably paid $15 for a sumptuous meal at a restaurant. Faced a large amount of dust particles, forcing us (our small group) to use masks, we're probably known as the Masked group now.

And then! we visited this Prince... Garden? Palace? ah.. i can't really remember the name of it. oh well. Had an hour or 2 of lecture for the origins of the owner and the treasures that lies within that vicinity. But the main highlight was the dressing part, i'd guess you would call it role playing. A few of us dressed as emperors (lack of costume i guess) while the rest became princesses or those without... those things. (i won't say it, go figure)

Our small group had our dinner shortly after. Toured around the town area and had another reasonable meal. To our surprise, a few other small groups were also gathered there. It was alot cheaper, SGD$10 as there was some promotion going on.

Sunday, 2008 May 24
(Entitled: "Hui Shan saves the day, From 89 - 30")

One of the most exciting day ever. Haven't felt it in ages. Went on a decent shopping "spree" where we walked around a single building (comprises of 5 levels), for 4 whole solid hours. Wondering what the title represents? Basically, I had to buy this Compact Flash Card Reader, as the cable in my luggage seemed to have dissappeared. The conversation took place... err something like this. (prices in RMB)

tw: "Qing wen zhe li you mei you mai Flash Card Reader?"
Someone tending to the shop: "zhe ge shi ma?"
*inspects and asks for quotation*
sttts: "ba shi jiu"
tw: "60" (bad mistake)
hs: "ask for 30!"
tw: "30" (but refused, thus was pulled away or sth, maybe i walked away. hah)
sttts: "40! hao la hao la, gei ni 30."

sweet. imagine the loss, if i paid 60. thanks hui shan! haha.
besides these i also bought a key pouch for father's day, some socks, and 2 pairs of decent looking shoes for SGD$70! ah i feel a little grown up. finally getting my own shoes. i still have much to learn. had another pleasant dinner with our small little group, having 8 restaurant dumplings for... SGD$3, i'd guess its pretty worth it.

Then we "opened a stall" on my bed, placing all the things we bought. haha, it caused quite a stir. anyone really ought to see that picture. I think most of us are pretty excited even now, it was a great day.

That pretty much sums up these few days, and it's back to work tomorrow. Oh well, i'll see you guys online! Enjoy and Take Care in Singapore.

Bonne nuit.

Always look on the brightside

2008-05-23T00:40:00.010+08:00

This is probably irrational. but i just felt like posting something with a few hours left before i take off.

"the world of achievement belongs to the optimists".
probably quoted by jia hui as well. haha.

I believe that's true and i should look on the brightside that all will go all smoothly and fun, and hope that this trip to China would be an enjoyable one. hmm.. i guess i don't intend to throw away optimism anytime soon, so I'll keep that positivity up and enjoy myself. i'd place a smiley here if i could. oh well.

To all IPP students, so finally the day came too, all the best for your reports and grades! try not to be too bored. heh.

Always look on the brightside of life. ah.. the song.

cast away thoughts of darkness and replace it with light of positivity.

i guess i'd bring this thought along. To everyone: Thank you for everything, the gifts, the wishes. I'll see you soon. soon enough. oh.. and take care everyone.

Bonne nuit.

2 days.

2008-05-21T22:34:00.003+08:00

For few months, i've been thinking of that day on random occasions. Finally that day is coming, a whole month without singapore and precious people.

Hopefully i won't splurge and buy things on impulse. its not like i've the habit to do these things, but... we'll never know if i find another nice looking.... guitar. Oh yes, and some high class feathers to buff up someone's pillow, some olympic (hopefully) souvenirs for friends (shared). I guess thats about it.

I started to wonder if i'll really start studying hard, after all, it's my last chance to get a decent degree. I've also been thinking about my maximum potential, how much am i really worth. if you're bored, take the quiz here. It has nothing to do with what i say tho.

Meanwhile, i think the tune is almost complete. probably a little different from the first. but i love it more than the first. hah.

Back to packing.

Bonne nuit!

So finally the day came.

2008-05-18T00:02:00.011+08:00

Supposingly, i should've posted something 2 days ago, but since it isn't here i'll just post again. I just wanted to thank everyone that have been through the whole IPP with me. keeping me awake on MSN with continous words or games.

Darwin - cool about us making fun of you all the time, and sharing random news and information shared during the IPP. sorry i've been crazy at times.

Cheryl - good to know that you've a decent group to work with now, if you ever need help, just message me.

Eric - i hardly talked to you, 'cause you were busy most of the time. but you were still in the conversation weren't you? hah.

Jonathan - i always looked forward to having some relaxation time playing Generals after work, and those stories about waffles. hope you enjoyed as much. sorry i've been a little crazy at times.

Chen Yao - we played a few matches of Generals, but i guess its facebook most of the time. hope you had enough intel.

Carleton - asking logical questions at random times, helped me keep awake. heh.

Kelvin - a school intel agent, keeps me updated on important matters. thanks!

Jie Ming - IT saviour, never irritated despite me asking questions over and over again. haha.

Michelle - BiTC buddy. i guess you're excited to go to china too!

Yu Xiang - BiTC buddy too. had multiple conversations of things to do in china. haha.

Zyn Jie - interesting talking to you. about all that random stuff and sorry if i've been a little crazy too.

Jia Xin - mm.. only knew you on the last day of IPP. dont get the wrong image of girly!

Jia Hui - what did we talk about again? jk. it'd be impossible to forget and to list all the things in the conversation, from puppies to blogs of certain people? haha. it was really nice talking to you. thanks alot for everything!

Sam - francophone! it has been good knowing you as another who aime français aussi.

Oh well, i guess these are the people who helped me pull through sleepy post-lunch hours, there were some others, pardon me if i forgot to place your name there.

The descriptions are pretty short, ah.. pardon my memory. there are so much more i want to write, but it seems that i'm unable to write nice paragraphs of what i think. but i guess it'd be tough to forget these people anytime soon.

So finally the day came, IPP is officially over. Time for the 12 + 1 weeks of FYPJ!

I think i'll update on this post tomorrow.

Bonne nuit!

Dimanche

2008-04-20T21:15:00.003+08:00

Its interesting how things work out, over the whole IPP. Apparently I've been through unexplainable, explainable bugs, strange computer failures, functions that made me worry about the outcome. But yet each time there seems to be a miracle worked out right infront of me, Thank God for that.

Just last friday, my laptop displayed signs of abnormality. The screen was extremely dim on startup, that doesn't sound serious right? the thing that bothered me was the fact that the screen goes blank right after the OS loading screen, in other words. i couldn't see the login screen. At 0830 hours, i panicked, it just happened that i didn't backup my data over this week. heh. 0900 hours, miracle.

oh well. besides all that (nonsense probably), i've finally completed 3/4 of my RDBMS, i think. and so data-entry and shredding papers has moved up my task list.

Bonne nuit!

Le Deux Mois

2008-04-02T20:15:00.005+08:00

Hey how's everyone? It has been more than 2 months since posted. So many things have been going on lately, but i won't be talking about all of them, just random stuff.

February - ITIPJ Presentation was quite a disaster, but still not as bad as i thought it would be, it was probably worse due to the fact that the other groups went thru their presentations in a smooth fashion, pity ours wasn't even though we played less games this semester. We all have much to learn i guess. Exams weren't as bad as i had thought, but i guess i can't blame anyone but my seriouslydangerous habit of studying at the last hour before 12am.

I also had a chalet with 0608, ah... my first time staying overnight. i guess we all had a good time, even tho it was boring at times. It might be one of our last chalets, no doubt people will be missed. Taking that into consideration, i probably did something i shouldn't ahh... i shall speak no more of that. but if you really must know... its something to do with my ermm... you know guitar.

March - Internship. I've been assigned to program a RDBMS (Relational Database Management System). My aim at the moment is to do everything well and not get scolded, and get a grade 4-5 weekly. Its an interesting project I must say, taking a break from all the E-commerce and Web Service ASP programming, i've finally moved to Applications. A little more research work is needed, but i guess we're pretty much used to researching for our own functions and sample codes.

The results came back in this month as well, heh.. i should be grateful with that all that slacking i still managed to pull through with a decent result. but i can't help but to feel kinda uneasy about certain things, i wonder why.

April - Nothing much at the moment, but i'm going through a limit binding and limit breaker reform. I guess i could pretty much do away with useless emotions at the moment such as getting irritated over a few program bug, and feelings such as sleepiness, i believe these things should go away with training. ah and time to get back to my previous self. i hope.

I hear a nice tune.

Can't think of anything else to post at the moment. At times i really feel like posting something and i end up placing them in a temp folder (which automatically deletes after time). Oh well. "try not to fall asleep during work" shall be my goal for now. good luck interns and TEP professionals, have fun at work and feel free to send an instant message anytime.

oh yes and i'm looking forward to matches of Generals with anyone. at the moment there's only 1 superweapon general on the field, and thats jia hui (keep guessing. logically speaking, you'd know.)

I guess thats all for now.

Bonne nuit!

The Source Of My All

2008-02-01T23:09:00.000+08:00

God is My Source of Wisdom.
God is My Source of Intelligence.
God is My Source of Strength.
God is My Source of Power.
God is My Source of Life.
God is My Source of Salvation.
God is My Source of Love.
God is My Source of My All.

Well, I guess this wraps up the presentations of another semester.

To God Be The Glory.

God Bless.

Samedi

2007-12-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

Time to talk about what happened last saturday. I woke up at 7.50am for a game of soccer after the "absence of its existence" for a few months. I seemed to have enjoyed it, i thought i had lost all interest in the sport. We played amongst ourselves for a while before playing with outsiders, we won 2 matches against them and lost 1.

We were all quite tired from playing a few hours of continuous soccer, especially me. I haven't been doing sports for sometime, so my stamina ain't that lasting, heh. For the 2 matches won, Stan scored a goal and Ben scored the other with a long range effort. I scored one as well, and it was a quite a good goal. I owe it to the training in SoccerJam. This goal is known as 'Kaka shot' in SoccerJam. It was named after the person who shot the soccer ball in this style (in the game.)

Random Information of the Legendary Shot

- Capable of sudden 90 Degree bends
- Fast movement required
- Requires a great deal of training to improve your accuracy

I actually managed to do it. I rushed in and intercepted the ball for a clearance, however at the last min, it spun back in and headed straight for the bottom left corner of the net and that had the keeper totally fooled. What a pity it was the wrong goal post.

I headed back to take a shower before going for a Musical service at Expo. It was fun, I really enjoyed it.. haha. Haven't been out for such events for a really long time.

Alright, time's almost up.. in another week i'll have to go back to school, yes on the 31st. heh.

Bonne nuit.

Mirror

2007-12-19T00:53:00.000+08:00

Well life has been great! I wonder how things are going for everyone else, after all its the season to rejoice, ain't it?

I feel alot stronger than before.
mm.. right now there's nothing to be afraid of, or worry about.. its all good.
yeah, its all clear in the head.
It feels good to be human-like, having feelings. If one does not have any feelings or emotions, it would be bad.

mirror.

The Stand

2007-12-15T01:29:00.000+08:00

Years ago, in secondary 2.. I remember losing myself and conformed to the world by using profanities over 1-2 months. I was constantly surrounded by people using it, and was weak enough then to be so easily influenced. It seemed so common, like an everyday word, so it seems as if everything fits in. Then, i realised my own stupidity. I realised i've failed my parents. Most importantly, I realised i've failed God. I felt awful.

I started off by controlling my style of speech, and tried to reduce the number of times i which i would have said "words-that-should-not-be-said", to cutting it off totally. sure, it was tough, but it was worth it.

so from then on, i didn't want to have anything to do with that category of words, not anymore. I decided to be "unique". even if they want to say it, i don't have to. my resistance to certain things has grown stronger.

Even when i started, i hated it.. i was just not strong enough to resist the constant usage around me. But now i understand, i won't be "common". Others can (not advisable), i won't.

i can't think very clearly right now, so i might not be able to put the message in the best way, or missing the whole point of what i was supposed to post in the first place. mm.. but my language ain't that good in the first place anyway. ahh. nevermind.

"Others can, I cannot"

rico. although i've only met you once or twice, i still remember everything, you were friendly, cute and adorable. pardon me if i forgot your name once. goodbye my friend.

bonne nuit.

Voice of Truth

2007-12-14T10:36:00.000+08:00

The sign has been revealed. It is time.

I wonder if i can do it tho.

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy you'll never win, you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Wake up

2007-12-12T20:02:00.001+08:00

I need to wake up from all these dreams, things that will never happen. And start working on something I rooted into my thoughts a long time ago. I just wish I would be part of that handful of people, but my memory seem to fail me.

Me,

It's no longer Year 1 Semester 1/2, wake up. Your results are pathetic, look at others, they look so much more adept than you are. You're simply pathetic, can't you even understand something as simple as this? Your abilities and focus has deproved significantly, even so it's not an excuse for making awful mistakes. Isn't it the time to wake up, now? You don't know anything and you're a mere hinderance, an abecedarian. Wake up.

You're way too weak, get stronger.

Regards,
Me

Maybe it's time.

Suppression

2007-11-14T00:47:00.001+08:00

I feel the serious need to suppress needless emotions. It might sound a little insane, but it seems that such feelings doesn't bring any benefits, it feels weak. I don't need another hinderance. There's much more to be said actually, but i'll leave it unspoken.

I'm fine, so if anyone asks me about that i'll ignore. I won't reiterate.

Yet... it would be nice for that to happen.

jon: with?
ben: heh okay.
cowcow: thanks.

bonne nuit.

Everything

2007-11-07T19:03:00.000+08:00

I got this video from cherie's blog. For those that don't comprend this video, its about the relationship between us and jesus. There are many distractions in life. even if we keep trying to seek Him, it seems that we're constantly being pulled back by "them" (studies, work, etc.) when we stray too far from Him, and become tired of life, we tend to fall into depression and act in a way that we shouldn't. He "seems" so far away and you don't sense him. Towards the end in the video, she attempted suicide, but turned back towards Him inspite of all those obstacles. It was a harrowing experience with pain and resistance, but she made it back to Him, who took the pain in her place.

Thats how i feel about this video, it links. God has helped me in countless ways, I didn't get those grades in school on my own, it wasn't me that kept me alive till today, it was Him. He's everything.

Personality Test

2007-11-02T21:09:00.000+08:00

Results given are only 70% correct. there's nothing much to update about, the XML seminar presentation is over and tests are coming up next week, thats all. I wonder why i'm posting this.

Refer to jonathan's blog for more details on the terminologies used, he posted the whole lot of it. heh with that enjoy my "longest" post ever.

My Personality


Neuroticism	45
Extraversion	30
Openness To Experience	38
Agreeableness	45
Conscientiousness	86

You are introverted, reserved, and quiet with a preference for solitude and solitary activities. Your socializing tends to be restricted to a few close friends. Stressful and frustrating situations can be upsetting to you, but you are generally able to get over these feelings and cope with these situations. A desire for tradition does not prevent you from trying new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual. You have some concern with others' needs, and are generally pleasant, sympathetic, and cooperative. You set clear goals and pursue them with determination. People regard you as reliable and hard-working.

Neuroticism
You feel tense, jittery, and nervous and often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. You may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you. Mostly your emotions are on an even keel and you do not get depressed easily. You are not generally self conscious about yourself. You do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find yourself tempted to overindulge. High levels of stress can lead to you feeling panic or confusion, but usually you cope with day to day pressures.

Extraversion
People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. You often need privacy and time for yourself. You like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. You are usually the leader in group activites. You lead a fast-paced and busy life. You move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously and are involved in many activities. You get overwhelmed by too much noise and commotion and do not like thrill-seeking activities. You are not prone to spells of energetic high spirits.

Openness To Experience
You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You are reasonably interested in the arts but are not totally absorbed by them. Generally you are not considered to be an emotional person, however you are aware of and in touch with your emotions. You prefer familiar routines and for things to stay the same. You can tend to feel uncomfortable with change. You enjoy a certain amount of debate or intellectual thought, but sometimes get bored with too much. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition.

Agreeableness
You generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. There are times when you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary, however you are mostly candid, frank and sincere. People find it moderately easy to relate to you. You will help others if they are in need. If people ask for too much of your time you feel that they are imposing on you. You do not enjoy confrontation, but you will stand up for yourself or push your point if you feel it is important. You feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity.

Conscientiousness
You are moderately confident that you can achieve the goals you set yourself. You are well-organized and like to live according to routines and schedules. Often you will keep lists and make plans. You have a strong sense of duty and obligation, and feel a moral obligation to do the right thing. Mostly you work towards achieving your best, although in some areas you are content just to get the job done. You have strong will-power and are able to overcome your reluctance to begin tasks. You are able to stay on track despite distractions. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Bonne nuit!

Space

2007-10-28T23:53:00.000+08:00

It must have been a long time since i've posted. Actually i had something else in mind that i wanted to post, but i guess it'll be postponed to the next one. There's nothing much to talk about so far. Its basically spending time on LastChaos while doing some research on the projects. I shall continue to believe that LastChaos helps to increase effectiveness in studying. sure, there are people to testify that it works. heh. go figure if i'm kidding.

That reminds me, has anyone managed to figure out the code for the last post?

Enigmatic Explosions
The catastrophic explosion of a star sends out shock waves that radiate outward at 22 million mph (35 million kph). The end of life for some stars can be a spectacular event. Called a supernova, when a star that’s more than eight times the mass of our Sun burns out, gravity’s inward push tears apart the star’s innards. The explosion propels jets of high-energy light and matter out into space.
Sources: <Space.com>

tim: hey tim, how've you been?
ben: what nuts...? for?
cowcow: i'd like to, i blame it on the lack of inspiration.

Bonne nuit!

The Code

2007-10-16T23:20:00.000+08:00

Welcome back to school.

The 2nd day of school was pretty good.

Good.. yet not. I can't seem to remember what I had wanted to post.

Nope, no new ideas, so it'll be a really abstract post.

Even the new code name... mm still classified.

benlau: heh ask me on msn.
michael: quick get into the main 11!
charles: linked and done!

(Post to be updated)

Mighty To Save

2007-09-28T00:29:00.000+08:00

Thank God! For he is truly good.
Praise God! For he is truly merciful.
Exalt God! For he is truly powerful.
Love God! For he is love.

I just want to thank God for what happened, I wouldn't have dreamed that htis actually happened. After all that has happened, it wouldn't be possible to acheive that. Its a miracle I tell you, His grace, His love and His power.

Meanwhile, i've been finding things to do... nothing much tho. I think i should start training up.

Something random from the internet, you can view the pictures here.

World's Fastest Cars
1. Bugatti EB 16.4 Veyron 253mph+, 0-62mph 2.5 secs
2. Koenigsegg CCX 245mph+, 0-62mph 3.2 secs
3. Bristol Fighter T 225mph+, 0-62mph 3.5 secs
4. Gumpert Apollo 224mph, 0-62mph 3.0 secs
5. Pagani Zonda C12 F 214mph, 0-62mph 3.5 secs
6. Lamborghini Murciélago LP640 211mph, 0-62 3.4 seconds
7. Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren(722 Ed.)209mph, 0-62mph 3.6 secs
8. Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano 205mph+, 0-62mph 3.7 secs
9. Aston Martin Vanquish S 200mph+, 0-62mph 4.8 secs
Sources from MSN UK CARS.

Yeah the squirrel and acorn theory:
xinrong: haha yeah, MAYBE they identified the wrong animal or species. heh.
ben: haha.. how to reply to this? mm... i did go for another one, the week after. hopefully there's another this week.
mao: it was from "Evan Almighty", can't remember the exact words tho. alright, tell me when you're free.
Rainft: hey, i've re-linked.
Jon: yeah apparently so, i wonder why tho.

Reconnoitre

2007-09-08T23:36:00.000+08:00

Definition: to explore, often with the objective of finding something or somebody (Verb)

I think there's a need to further improve this skill, and my analytical skills. I took quite some time to source this particular information I needed. I'm really glad I found it.

Here's something I remembered from a movie I caught a day ago:
"If you ask God for courage, will He just fill you up with courage or will He give you an opportunity to be courageous?"

This sentence generated various thoughts and possibilties on how God would've actually handled this. He could probably grant us with our desired gift without us working for it, or give us an opportunity and learn how to attain that gift with our efforts combined with His given chance. However, the mindset of the world is for the "instant" word, no one likes to wait nowadays. Yet I'd like to think that the more time and effort we put into something, the more we'd treasure and appreciate it.

Another random thought about school after hearing what my friend has gone thru in his university modules. Compared to that kind of readings, I guess there's nothing much to complain about, even tho at this level we do feel the stress(at times) from the piling projects and constant tests for this course. Yet the current stress level is probably insignificant in comparison with universities. I'll learn to appreciate what I've now. yeah.

Oh well.. I'm having a serious inspiration drought on interesting things to post about. Don't mind the boring stuff.

Top 10 Most Intelligent Animals
1. Chimpanzee
2. Gorilla
3. Orangutan
4. Baboon
5. Gibbon
6. Monkey
7. Smaller-toothed whale
8. Dolphin
9. Elephant
10. Pig

Information researched by Edward O Wilson, top animal behaviourist.

If I made the list, dolphins would probably be at the top, maybe followed by whales and monkeys. At the same time, I wonder where's that octopus i read about. Apparently that creature is capable of opening the lid off jars, amazing isn't it?

Bonne nuit!

Derived Conclusion

2007-09-07T00:20:00.000+08:00

Here's a really short post(probably boring) on what happened today:

I suppose things moved accordingly to this predicted outcome yet some parts weren't part of the plan tho. Its interesting how things were chosen, and the conditions. Somehow it seems to amuse me. heh.

I spent a long time thinking about the reasons to take up that choice, and cons of it for the night. There're many factors of course, both personal and the various conditions of the club.

Derived Conclusion: Stay with an average post in the committee, for more time and freedom to do things that i'll have to complete in the coming semster.

Yeah, case closed for that matter. Time to get new accessories and strings for the guitar, the string seemed to have snapped while resting on the wall last night. Too much stress on the guitar strings i guess from the other day of intense guitar stumming patterns.

Well, it's going to be a better day.

Bonne nuit!

The choice

2007-09-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

Hey, how's everyone? Yeah its kinda late now by my standards... sorry can't help it, can't seem to sleep anyway. Seem to be thinking more about various matters lately.

It's almost the end of the current committee for my club, and they're probably going to decide on a new committee at tomorrow's meeting. A choice would've to be made, either to continue with the club or to be less active, for more personal and study time.

I'm still giving it thought.

Meanwhile, I finally took sometime to log into friendster. And accepted friend request and added some others out of fun.(note that this is a rare occurrence)

Some random car facts sourced from here :

The first cars did not have steering wheels. Drivers steered with a lever.
The New York City Police Department used bicycles to pursue speeding motorists in 1898.
The first speeding ticket was issued in 1902.
Most American car horns beep in the key of F.

Bonne nuit!

What's her name?

2007-08-30T18:09:00.001+08:00

Well... with exams done and over, it probably marks the ending Year 2 Semester 1. Now I'll just have to await the slip of fate.

The past few semsters have taught me quite a fair bit, I think i've pretty much grown ever since the time when i came in with bitterness and resentment. The only reason why my behaviour was like that then and maybe occasionally still, was probably due to the amount of pressure and expectations I imposed upon myself. And not achieving it, causes something. Yet surprisingly it seemed to help me grow abit. oh well, i guess thats of the past. At least i know myself better now... even if its just a little.

Its interesting how our study meetings and method works. I shan't go into details of this "unorthodox" method but this technique works pretty well, at least for me.

I'd like to thank God for everything so far, i've been blessed with miracles, i don't deserve. I'd probably start working harder next semster, its time i guess.

More facts: Studies show that if a cat falls off the 7th floor of a building, it has about 30% less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the 20th floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occurring, relax and correct itself.

A cold long winter for the next month and a half before school opens awaits. It somehow feels empty not to have additional tasks or exams at the back of my mind. I think I've something i've in mind that i want to do anyway. Alright enjoy the holidays to come!

ben: hey, i get what you mean haha.
jon: nope, why would i talk about akatsuki? heh.

Bonne nuit!

The studying trip

2007-08-24T01:24:00.002+08:00

SELECT car_model, s.supplier_ID, supplier_name
FROM car c, order o, supplier s
WHERE c.serial_no = o.serial_no AND o.supplier_ID = s.supplier_ID

There you go. the answer should be correct. i sincerely hope so. I apologise in advance if there're any mistakes.

It was an intense studying session at jonathan's house, on many occasions, weariness draws me to sleep and shoulders start to feel the effect of stress. despite the fact that i've to go through these tribulations, i convinced myself it was for a worthy cause. I've learnt much from these studying trips, they turned out to be really fruitful, i can't explain anymore of these in words. seriously.

how weird would it be if it was like that! well.. it actually did happen for a while.. during the major projects sessions.

There won't be word of the random time for this post. But here are more interesting facts from Michael, the legendary dragon shooter from the SSC:

Q: If human memory was put into computer memory how much would it equal.?

A: Theoretically, it would be about 100 million yottabytes(10^24 ) the processing power of a average brain to be about 100 million MIPS (Million computer Instructions Per Second ) Which means the brain is like a 168,0000 MHz Pentium computer
The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
(I double checked it and realised it isn't much of a fact, more of an acoustic myth)

I like to think of tags as acorns and gather them like a squirrel before replying them at once, its probably the easy way out heh.

Here are the replies to the gathered acorns:

pein: hey! sup.
Jon: good morning! and hi to your other personalities of the akatsuki heh. (i'm probably lazy to say hi to them one by one)

Bonne nuit!

It's Not Over

2007-08-11T01:26:00.001+08:00

Approaching the ending of the 17th week of this semster, equals examinations.
Projects are finally over, no doubt it has been a great(colossal) disappointment, I can't emphasize enough on the letdown. Perhaps just a little more effort would've done the job, considering the "not enough effort at all" work over the 16 weeks. And somehow things just happen for a reason don't they. After checking your stuff and running thru it once to ensure an error-free presentation, it just jumps on you the last min. Interesting ain't it, seriously. The ending of the presentation just felt like a crushing defeat, a futile effort, dark clouds blocking every glimmer of hope.

This is a fact of life, last min errors can ruin something, a need for the future. Maybe it'll harder to achieve my goals, but it's not over.

Probably that was how i felt that day, but i guess that dreadful feeling is over now. Well, at least there's all that elf stuff... you probably know what i'm driving at, so i guess i won't have to emphasize on who or where or what. haha.

Voilà! the expression of the random time from another source.
Expression: C'est pas tes oignons!
English Translation: None of your business!

Literal Translation: It's not your onions!

Interesting. onions.

It's Not Over - Secondhand Serenade

Bonne nuit!

Dix-huit ans

2007-08-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

First of all, To all who celebrated my birthday with me: Thank you so much for all these! Merci! Arigato! Danke! Gracias! Xie xie! Well time does fly, its amazing how i thought this day would never come as a child, and next moment i'm here rushing thru all my projects and stuff. Its really wonderful how things work out, although not as smoothly as an ideal plan that i had. but it'll work out well. Time to dish out my THANK YOUs.

THANK YOU to all my classmates (lack of adjective here), i didn't expect you all to call and sing me a birthday song! haha it was a big surprise really, thank you so much guys! and to those who wished me on msn and messaged me! thank you so much!

THANK YOU ben and xin rong for wishing me and buying that shirt, the words to describe it would be "totally imba", you'll never walk alone!

THANK YOU bendy, cherie for smsing to wish me a happy birthday!

THANK YOU mason and sunny(who happens to share the same birthday)!

THANK YOU to my family members, although we did not have our dinner, its ok!

Here's what really happened. my entire Ecommerce Project(ECPJ) group went to jonathan's house in a desperate bid to complete the project. however, it was unsuccessful. amidst the confusion, a call came telling me: "Hey! today there's a presentation! Our lecturer wants to see you now!" and the next thing i knew was 5 secs of silence, and you know the rest.

Yup, i then dropped by ben's house for a while and received his (picture) wonderful present(lack of adjective again for "wonderful") before heading back home.

Another lesson learnt here, even tho they can be known as your friends, know them for almost a year and were pretty close and think that they care, they don't, yet they seem like they do, pretence.

At the same time, friends who are with you when you're studying are the ones that care.

Well, i suppose one can use this day as a gauge. some how..

Alright! Bonne nuit!

The Final Week

2007-07-25T18:27:00.000+08:00

This semster has been moving pretty quickly, one moment the beginning, now almost the end already. I've changed much since the beginning of the 3-year course, much of my thinking and character have changed as well, not all good tho.

I'm beginning to see the whole picture, the projects are due next week, time is almost up for me and everyone else in the course. It's time for the ages of insomnia again. I'll make it thru my source of life, energy and strength, "My God is Mighty to Save!"

Ok a break from all these and test your reflexes click here. You can try in 2 ways, look at the screen and test your reaction thru sight or don't look on the screen and test your reaction time thru sense of hearing.

Anyway, according to a few sources, the average reaction time is 0.2 - 0.25 secs. believe it or not. Enjoy!

J'ai rêvé d'elle,
elle est juste comme mignonne dans la vraie vie.
peut-être j'avais tort au sujet de quelques choses,
mais je suis toujours humain après tous.

Alright! Here's the expression of the random time taken from here
Expression: Donner sa langue au chat!
English Translation: To give up, stop guessing

Literal Translation: To give one's tongue to the cat

Bonne nuit a tous!

Reasons and excuses

2007-07-07T01:28:00.000+08:00

Most of the time, people use the word 'busy' as an excuse for many things, but mainly because they need more rest time. This is true isn't it? Anyway, I've not been putting much effort into my academics at all (excluding projects). Most of the time is spent on projects and research, reading up and analysing the language, yeah and other things as well. My grades haven't been very good lately, and I don't feel right, not at all. I guess this whole diploma thing is no joke, it could be the end of the road or another bridge to university. Sigh.

Meanwhile, I've learnt a valuable lesson on what some people really are. Just doing things for the sake of doing it and not for friendship. its pretty sad, really.

This has happened way too many times in my life for me to learn this mistake. That feeling is just terrible, awful.

Je ne chercher pas le mot juste.

Expression: Que dalle!
English Translation: Absolutely nothing!

Bonne nuit.

Mot du jour

2007-07-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

Time to do a short update while installing my programs and sleeping before the hour is up.

The day started with bringing a light laptop bag, and ended with a bag that was laden with red bricks. its all in the head. Yeah, it was a pretty long day. Anyway, I was really tired and just did the usual routine, passed thru the barriers at the both mrt stations. But I don't know how I really did that, 'cause I realised that after exiting destination, I didn't have my ez-link card at all! I wonder... how the barriers opened to an empty slot. its over anyway.

And I'm getting blur"er" nowadays, this might be the cause in my head after a prolonged period of serious lack of sleep. I heard Business Environment when my friends said Business Communications. oh well..

Ok for the "mot du jour" its just a translation I found on a website, I'm not certain if the french phrase is actually correct. yeah. Unfortunately, I can't open the website to paste the word here, so this word of the day is from another source. If you want to visit the website of this source, click here

French Word of the day: après-midi
English Translation: afternoon

I'm off! enjoy the word of the day.

Bonne nuit.

C'est la vie

2007-07-01T02:46:00.000+08:00

How's everyone? Hope everything is going well for everyone. Had a very bad week myself tho. I failed 2 papers and have to redo my entire project, due to a terrible error I made. Well not that terrible... but the lecturer wasn't going to give me an 'A' for the work i'm doing, instead a 'C'. So I had no choice, it was my mistake, totally wasted the seriously sleep depriving days and nights i went thru. mais c'est la vie, you dont make it up to the standard, you will never make it. I guess that one can never change if one is made to be like that.

Ok time to reply to overdue tags. way overdue.

manda: Salut, merci beaucoup! how're you doing in school?
ben: lol nothing much and not much time to update. oh well..
xinrong: haha, merci! i can't rmb where i got it from tho.
bendy: you're not really the 5th. mine's not counted heh.
stan: lol. merci! haha i'm a slacker at blogger, lazy.

bonne nuit.

Les vacances

2007-06-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

Alright a short update before i go to the place where i'm supposed to be at this forsaken hour. Yeah things have been pretty much the same. I've a 2 weeks "break" that the school so kindly offered us. and things are getting more and more interesting by the moment, 'cause i'm actually learning more things with visual studio (by accident 99% of the time). Alright here are some random facts. Believe it or not.

You share your birthday with at least 9 million other people in the world.
It is estimated that at any one time, 0.7% of the world's population are drunk.
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. (What? you serious?)
The Earth's revolution time increases .0001 seconds annually. (this could explain why time flies by...)
There are only four words in the English language that end in "-dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
Women's hair is about half the diameter of men's hair.

Bonne nuit!

le deuxième

2007-06-03T13:39:00.000+08:00

Well, finally set aside some time to update my blog! i can't seem to change the blogskin tho. I had this really sweet dream last night, it was just beautiful, if only dreams could come true. Which brings us back to the point why they are called dreams aren't they?

A new beginning

2007-05-12T16:22:00.001+08:00

The new beginning....