the last post for the blog

It has been quite a semester and so many things have been going on since the start of the year. I think i've lost count of everything.

January to Febuary
These months were the usual rush-projects-and-try-to-mug-for-exams period. It has been quite a terrible one. That sinking feeling at the point of the ITIPJ presentation when everything went wrong while the rest of the group presented fine was the worst feeling at that period of time. I could help by to think that i've messed up yet another project module. but thankfully, it wasn't as bad as i've imagined it to be.

March to May
For the first time in life, i actually got to sit in an office and experience some office work. I was assigned to program a marketing dbms. data entry and shredding paper (probably the easiest way to pass time) It was quite interesting at first, as i wanted to prove that i'm capable of working as efficiently as normal IT programmers and program an application within the same time frame as another application. I grew tired of it as the weeks passed by. As it seems to be expected, my application couldn't work at almost the LAST point of my IPP. thank God again, i managed to come up with another solution, albeit not the best.

May to June
It's another first-time-of-my-life thing. I've been under curfews and never allowed to stay over at my friends' houses, camps in schools and stuff are exceptions. But i was given a chance to go to beijing for 1/3 of my FYPJ.

Initially, the whole trip in beijing would last for 8 weeks, it was reduced to 6 weeks due to the really warm weather during this season for our welfare's sake. It was further reduced to 4 weeks due to visa issues, but i guess that was for the better.

I was assigned to take charge of the batch and bring them to beijing and take care of their welfare. I was literally worried that someone would go missing, or lost during the plane ride and even during the normal outing trips as well most of the time. It wasn't because i didn't trust them to take care of themselves, i was simply just worried that people from my batch would get lost or something that i wouldn't want to think of happening to any of them. As a result, i stood behind most of the time, making sure that nothing would happen, well at least i tried.

The first time i felt a sense of sadness was when i failed to protect one of my friends from getting pretty badly hurt. It was just an accident on the bus, but yet just infront of me, i was unable to do anything at the moment in time, except seeing tears rolling down. I'm sorry for that, but i'm glad it all turned out well in the end.

I went to the extend of trying to cheer another person up as well by sending a text message, hopefully it really did cheer you up for that moment in time.

For the batch activities, I led team 1 and coordinated with the leader of team 2 for sports and recreational activities. One such activity was the fashion parade which we had quite alot of fun. We even saw how a guy could transform into a girl without the local people noticing that "she" was actually a he.

We also had a final perfomance which we put up. It was quite a feat performed by our batch. We had really little time for training but because so much effort was put into it, we could really see it come to fruition. I had no idea what came into my head too, as i managed to summon enough courage and confidence to get on the stage and sing a song (composed just for this batch "28 days in beijing") with a guitar bought in beijing. it was a pretty poor one though. haha.

Good job BiTC Batch 6, we all made NYP proud (i strongly believe). I really had alot of fun in beijing. thank you batch 6.

But all these feelings could be created by responsibility after all.

June to August
Nothing much happened after returning from beijing except for a simple presentation and desperate attempts to complete my FYPJ. It was a miracle, i really didn't think i would be able to complete the application and just when all hope was lost, light was somehow found.

I helped a few friends and made another few during this time, while seeking a miracle to complete my project. For some reason, I couldn't stand and watch others feel so helpless and stressed till the extend of breaking down, 'cause i know how that feels. so i tried really hard to help, learning new stuff just for that purpose.. really hope i managed to. for those which i've failed. i'm sorry i didn't manage to help.

There was another event that was probably the highlight of the year. I probably never celebrated a year like this before, I'm truly thankful and appreciative of what you guys have done.

I've also heard that i'm like 2 different persons in beijing and in singapore. i'm sorry. I really wonder why, not that i can't tell the change though. haha.

that would be all. I'll leave my tagboard there for final thoughts and comments.

Au Revoir le Monde.

Dix-neuf

It's a good day. Seems like everything went well. I managed to pass the test too!

Great Thanks to those who wished me. Thank you so much for all these! Merci! Arigato! Danke! Gracias! Xie xie!

I'll update the names when i can.

18 is gone.

Bonne nuit.

my friend's birthday.

So the day's coming, finally after an entire year of opportunities to take a single test.

Things turned out as expected when i sent a message to wish my friend. no surprise really. heh.

It just happened that i was asked by my friend, hy if you know. "why are your posts so emo?", somewhere along that line. As usual, i gave a vague reply.

The truth is, i'm really unsure as to why things are happening this way. I seem to know the main reason behind this "emo" thoughts. it'll be left unspoken, until i've clarified the main cause of it.

But the day was pretty good, ended well with a dinner with my classmates, with a cake and a gift. Merci beaucoup pour tout, i really appreciate it. Thank you very much.

Special Thanks to Ben for the advanced wishing, hopefully he's doing well.

Thanks to eric, darwin, hong yee, carleton, jon, guang yun, maven, yu xiang, chen yao, michelle, hong peng, cheryl, kaiwen, si hui for the dinner and present and a message.

Thanks to michelle for the midnight wishings.

Just in a few mins time. It's another new year.

Goodnight.

just

Many times words can change the opinion of others, and maybe that's what happened.

And it was probably a mistake made when i attemped to be extroverted in some cases, but i'll count it as experience gained. Things were alot less fun, but everything seemed alot better then.

I seem to feel emo when i can't seem to help others, it's like a situation when you can only see someone slowly crushing him/herself through a small gap in a wall, and you can't smash through or climb over the great wall that was built around him/herself. I've no idea why i should feel that way.

Just so helpless. so weak. just tell me what's going on.

When everything around is broken
Could I say that this felt right.

goodnight.

rationality. emotion.

Finally week 7 has passed. a miracle that i've been seeking appeared. I've finally completed my first assigned tasks, after a 2 weeks lapse. but i not in the position to care right now. The mind's in desynchronization with the heart.

Rationality
revert back. make logical decisions. based on intuition (in a certain sense).

Emotion
stay in the current state, heed the advices of the heart.

everything seems just like the storyline in one of the shows. when the sole survivor decided to go somewhere else because he couldn't get stronger, because he felt that he was bound by various things.

just when i thought i've managed to get rid of intangible things, i've failed once again. it floods back like how the waves hit the shores. it seems that emotions aren't under my control, and it's not good.

to those who have changed over the one month, hope everything's alright now.

but i will still help others as long as i'm capable enough, i think i might.

the first step.

promises are meant to be

The route, probably another 6 more weeks to go. Seems pretty cold and harrowing, it's all up to one's mind to change it though.

Ever heard of "promises are meant to be broken"? never liked that sentence. It's probably true that most people make empty breakable promises nowadays, and its unfortunate. Promises were meant to be something great, something to hang on to, for others to hope for, something that brings smiles to others. It seemed to have been flawed because of some.

Promises are probably the highest of the order.

Usually I make it a point to fulfill the things i say. 'cause perhaps trying's not enough, the result's different. i will find some way... just don't worry too much and get too stressed up, my friend.

God will make a way. I'll hold on to that.

Meanwhile the presentations today went rather... okay. I'll give myself a border-line pass.

goodnight.

'cause its better to hide it all away?

It has become a trend in life, for people to put on their strongest front. Most of us wouldn't know whats behind that facade. A smilling front but the person is in reality, in great misery and pain.

I've seen quite alot of them, and the worse thing is.. i couldn't help them.

Wednesday, the assembly for the SIT. I still wonder how i'll summarize the whole trip in a few mins. and contemplating if i should risk '28 Days in Beijing' on stage once again. i'll figure something out.

Friday, mid-term assessment, presentation for my Final Year Project.

I've also heard from people that i've changed, i wonder if its for the better or worse. hopefully its the former.

goodnight.